you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
