also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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