Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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