I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
