I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
