i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
