He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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