My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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