i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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