Your face is a jimmy john
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
