She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize