I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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