I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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