oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
