why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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