She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
