is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
