it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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