hotel room ftw
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
