im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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