We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
