so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
