No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
