cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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