Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
