3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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