I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
