Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
