first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
