Is it normal to miss your booty call?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
