thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
