he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
we should paint friendship bongs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
