Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
