I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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