Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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