it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize