hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
