Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
