You work out of a Hotel?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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