Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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