that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
did i just pee glitter
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
