i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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