everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
