apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
