She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
