Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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