it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
