the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
