How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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