i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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