i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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