if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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