Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
