Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Found the puke drawer
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
