fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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