didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
