she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
