Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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