this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
