I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
