The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
