I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
