I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
