Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
