I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
