facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
