Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
