You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
