this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
