New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
