Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
