I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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