I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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