and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
