like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
