Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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