Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
