I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
