they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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