I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your penis caused this!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
