Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
